Starting therapy can be scary. You might have only heard about it from friends or seen it on shows, so on the one hand you have those ideas, as well as actually not knowing what to expect at all.

I can only share what therapy with me will look like. Each therapist will do things in their own way whilst (hopefully) following the ethical codes of conduct and best practice of their accrediting body. (And if you’re looking for a therapist – do check that they are in fact registered with an accrediting body like the BACP, NCPS, UKCP etc)

So. How Does the Rodeo Get Started?

Well, first you’ll decide to get in touch, usually either by email or by booking into my calendar for a free consultation. It’s helpful for me if you give me an idea at that point of what you’re experiencing or what support you’re looking for – that way, if it’s an area that I don’t work with, I can let you know sooner. We’ll have about 20-30 minutes depending on whether you are coming as an individual or as a couple/relationship system.

We use that time to talk a bit about what’s going on for you, I’ll tell you a bit about me and how I work, and we can ask each other any questions that will be helpful. From here, you’ll decide if you want to go ahead and book a session. You can decide there and then, or you can keep looking around and book other calls with other therapists.

It’s often a good idea to do that– we know that finding the right fit is THE most important factor in a positive outcome in therapy (Wampold, 2001). If you’re really vibing with someone, get a session booked in asap, as good therapists don’t always have a lot of availability, and if you’re getting on well in an intro call, this bodes well for the therapeutic alliance that you’ll go on to develop.

If you want to book in a session, I’ll offer you a space that will become ’your’ space. You’ll attend at that time on that day each week, and this consistency, alongside therapist fit, also contributes to the effectiveness of therapy. There’s something containing and holding in the regularity of sessions that creates emotional safety. It also means you can plan your day and week around it, and give yourself what you need either before or after – a walk, a coffee, gym visit, some time to yourself.

Before the session, I’ll send you a couple of digital forms to complete, and an agreement to sign that explains how the relationship works and expectations in terms of payment, attendance, confidentiality, safety, etc. I’ll also send directions on how to find me, and what to do/where to go when you arrive.

 

What Happens During the Rodeo?

In the first session, we’ll go over the agreement and answer any questions you might have. I’ll explain how confidentiality works in therapy and run over any additional admin.

Then we’ll start to put some flesh on the bones of what we spoke about in our intro call. We’ll take it at your pace, building some comfort and safety in the relationship, and getting stuck into anything when you feel ready.

It is helpful for both of us to have an idea of what good will look like. In the first session, I often ask, “if you got everything you wanted from therapy, what would be different?” This gives you and me an idea of your goals, and what we want to work towards. Sometimes it might take a few sessions to get this nailed. If we know this, then we’ll know when you get there.

In subsequent sessions, I might do some psychoeducation if you agree, explaining theories of human behaviour, communication techniques, regulation tips and tricks, for example. We’ll probably revisit what growing up was like for you, where you learnt the rules of how to be and how you think these influence you as an adult. We’ll look at your life in the here and now, your relationships, your values, your beliefs and what experiences are most difficult for you. You’ll have lots of space to talk, be heard, and be seen.

Over time, we’ll be able to develop a ‘formulation’ of what is going on, and get ideas of what change will involve. We’ll always be working towards this.

I’ll regularly check in with you that you’re finding our work helpful, and that you’re getting what you need. If anything isn’t working for you, makes your uncomfortable and you’d like to change, we’ll talk about that too.

 

The End of the Rodeo

Unless agreed at the outset, our work is ‘open-ended’. This does not mean that it goes on forever. It means it will end when you got what you came for. I don’t want anyone sitting on my therapist couch for one moment longer than is necessary. Therapy carries a cost: money time, and effort, and I don’t want that to be wasted.

That’s why my focus is change. Then at some point, you’ll start to think, feel, and behave differently until one day, you will feel ready to leave.

And if I feel that you’re ready before you notice, I’ll let you know. And you can decide if the time is right for you to end therapy.

 

After the Rodeo.

Many clients never return to therapy, and I guess that can be a good thing. Some will pop back to manage a ‘blip’, reconnect to the helpful things they learnt in therapy, or just offload in a safe space with someone who knows the background. Others might come back to do an extra piece of work. During your sessions, something else might come up that you don’t feel ready to explore just yet, and that’s okay. You can go back to therapy to do more work at a later date, either with me, or a different therapist.

So, I hope you forgive the ‘rodeo’ metaphor, and that this little blog post gave you a good insight into what to expect from therapy.

I’m not sure what a typical ‘counsellor’ or ‘psychotherapist’ is*. I know that I’m not a fan of floaty scarves or wooden beads (which I often hear is the typical uniform of a counsellor). I often hear from clients for whom this is NOT their first therapy rodeo, that a previous therapist didn’t say very much, and seemed to just nod and agree. A heads up now if you’ve read this far – that really isn’t my style. I’ll challenge you in a gentle way, I’ll share my experience of you, I’ll say what I see, and I’ll try to use as plain language as possible. I’ll be a fierce witness to your pain and hurt, and a strong ally to get you through whatever you are experiencing. I won’t make you sit in uncomfortably long silences, I won’t just nod and ask ‘how does that make you feel’. From the first session, we are building a working ‘alliance’. We are in this together. And I will always be working on your behalf, in your best interests, with all the skills and experience that I have.

And I hope the ‘rodeo’, will in some way, have been an enjoyable experience for you.

 

* There is a difference between these roles. It is often contested, and the general public does not necessarily know what the difference is. I’ll write a post shortly on these differences and what is important to know about them so you can ask helpful questions when you’re making enquiries with different therapists.